Are you sick of watching our country turn into a bunch of tax-paying, border-crossing, over-educated Pinko's, ruining your American Dream? Does a lower back or glandular weight problem keep you from returning to your job? Need to express the outrage that our heroes on the radio command us to feel...

Congratulations Human Kind, we've done it again!

It turns out there are not one, but TWO Texas-sized masses of trash floating in the middle of the Pacific Ocean. That's right. Two islands made of 300 foot deep plastic bottles, diapers and everything else that is more than a month...

John Kerry spoke in a calm and measured tone into the mic, while a young man was being zapped like a bug at a barbeque. The Senator remained totally professional through the entire event. There comes a time however, when placing ones own profession over the common good looks just...

Truth be known, I have been "Motor-Headed" in my life. Raised around the rumble of powerful V8 engines and the roar of motorcycles up and down my street. It was in the '60s, when gasoline wasn't a major financial concern. Sure, it got expensive in the Gas Crisis of the...

Ayn Rand and Machiavelli
would be brimming over with pride.
You've created your own separate world
and invited us all on your ride.

Thank you Mr. Blossom,
for telling our POTUS straight.
For getting his pet goats in a row.
It's what makes your...

Hey Democrats, congratulations! You get a C for Consistency.

You Pack-Mules are brilliant at looking like you really tried. One needn't be to be a prophet to have called this one. Forensically speaking, it's basically how it always turns out with you.

Aww, poor babies. Had to stay up all...

I love my little Honda Civic. If out of nowhere a psycho steals my car and rams an outdoor café, killing innocent people, I'll be devastated to have been in any way connected to such a horrible thing. But of the many emotions I will feel, one of them won't...

That's right folks, the hearings are continuing to clear the Neo Conservative movement out. Gotta' make room for the 08's! So --

It's the big Republican Blowout Sale! The cat is out of the shopping-bag and everything must GO!! Just because Ron Paul's not for sale doesn't mean the Republican...

In the H.G. Wells' classic novel The Time Machine, the future is inhabited by blond, weak-willed cattle/humans called the Eloi. They live in an Eden of provided sustenance. Giving by the hidden hand of the treacherous Morloks, techno-trolls living under the ground in their miles of caverns. A cannibal culture...

I'M YOU.

I'M YOU, BUT WAY OVER HERE.

I'M YOU,

BUT WITH MY UPBRINGING
TO GUIDE MY WORLD VIEW.
OTHER THAN THAT

I'M YOU.

I WANT FOOD.
I WANT LOVE.
I WANT SHELTER.
I WANT TO BE HAPPY.

BUT THAT'S JUST ME.
...

Dear Don I-Mustn't,

Appears that a certain Mr. Grouchy-Trousers should have run out and bought himself a copy of The Secret.

Would that you were more than a corporate distraction, being thrown out the hatch to keep their fast-leaking zeppelin in the air. You are not quite the monster that...

Like the pack-mammals that we are, we seek out familiar things when plunged into uncertainty. Clothing is basically the first layer of identification we present to each other. It's a resume. Successful, unsuccessful, creative, business minded, cheerful, gloomy, sexy, crazy, etc.

The Flower Children of the 60's all had a...

We all pay to learn in one way or another.

Whether it's private school, college, vocational, internship or even flipping a quarter at the news stand for the ritual daily paper, an exchange is tendered.

Cable news. A special service providing us with information for a fee. Wow, special news...

Rosie O'Donnell, while hosting THE VIEW, has proposed the idea that the 9/11 incident was an internally sourced "False Flag" job on the United States. A coup. She said that our media is a primarily a propaganda device to mislead us about the real story behind the worst attack to...

I am fucking furious!

I was at the supermarket today. There was a young woman with military tattoos on her arm, terminating in a chromed hook where her hand should be. She was bagging my groceries.

BAGGING FOR A LIVING! Making this brave young person do a job so awkwardly...

Q: What is "The Truth"?
A: The truth is whatever we say it is, right up until we find that we are completely wrong - and then for a really long time after that as well.

Q: If Ann Coulter can call John Ewards a faggot, what can he...

Q: How can America slow the growth of terrorism?
A: Well for starters, we can stop funding and training them.

Q: Should we put George W Bush's face on Mt Rushmore?
A: No need, a jagged cliff says it all.

We're all stuck in the third act of Dr. Strangelove - but without the clever dialogue. This administration is literally "Hell bent" and America is just Buddy Holly on the Big Bopper's plane.

The only thing more dangerous than having someone stupid in charge of anything important is when that...